If, as OK! reports, Chris Martin has been dating Jennifer Lawrence "on the sly since late June", then Magwatch believes there is but one reason.
And that is pizza. And probably bacon and eggs, sausages, meatballs, deep-fried chicken drumsticks, crispy skin pork belly and doorstop-sized slices of toasted white bread (meat-based) dripping with lamb fat. And some kissing etc.
"Chris feels he is dating someone who has everything he's been missing out on in the past 11 years," a "friend" says in OK!
Despite "friend" being as dubious a source as "plastic bag stuck in a tree", it seems plausible that after separating from healthy food advocate Gwyneth Paltrow, Martin might want a bit of "everything he's been missing out on".
Everything slow-roasted, drizzled with pan juices and served with a thick gravy.
Singer Taylor Swift's "secret diary" has been "found!" by Woman's Day.
The magazine does not reveal if it "found!" the diary in Swift's bedside table while breaking and entering in the name of meticulous and factual celebrity journalism.
Or if, like OK!, it got the information from another "plastic bag", this time caught around a bin wheel.
Either way, it does reveal that the "little black book" reportedly features Swift's ranking of her exes, including Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer, Harry Styles, Conor Kennedy and Joe Jonas.
There's a whole lot of "adventurous in bed" (Styles) and "great lover" (Mayer) and "great kisser" (Kennedy) but also some excellent additional facts that Magwatch finds even more entrancing.
Namely, that Mayer was the "ideal height". No details on Swift's preferred amount of man centimetres but Jonas is listed as "too short", which is cheering news for everyone taller than him.
Confusingly, Swift/Plastic Bag gives Mayer a "10 out of 10 rating in bed" despite being "too overtly sexual" and "on his mobile phone too much".
Each to their own, but Magwatch would hide Mayer's mobile and make him put on a cardigan before it even thought about rating his other abilities.
